i reli appreciate the way u care n pampered mi.u makes mi feel pampered again.reli thk u for bein so thoughtful n sweet.but....
pls forgive mi for makin the decision of walkin awae.i noe i m bein veri selfish.somehow i feel fear whn u are so nice to mi.i duno how to xplain wad i m feelin..it a fear which i cant describe.i m reli sori. i jus want to protect myself. i dun wna see myself fallin for u one dae ... cos i hate to see the one i love leavin mi one dae.. thus pls forgive mi for walkin awae now..cos i noe... u do hav the ability to touch a ger heart in ur own unique way. i reli not able to fathom wad u are thinkin n wad u wan thus i can onli chose to walk awae. sorri... thk for all the wonderful moments ... u are owaes a great fren ...
some ppl are onli meant to b frens n not lover..
whereas some are meant to b an item...
n i reckon we are meant to b fren...


somehow ... whn the one meant to b appear ..the feelin is different..
ter shldnt b fear ...
it shld b a kind of delicate sweetness..

tink i said enugh.... [ ter shldnt b fear in mi if u meant to b the one ]

mayb u care purely as a fren..but it reli too much for mi to take..

a selfish audz...

well ... it been daes since i post any new entry..
drained out .. best describe wad i m feelin now..
not enugh of rest ... headache .. sore throat ...

it time to b reli discipline..
turnin in earli ... havin enugh of rest is seriously needed...
i reckon next week work gotta be pilin up like mountains...

polite cup next mondae...
all the best to all players n teams...

fixin an appt with the dentist soon...
braces to b fixed...



baobei sae he wna a gf ...
he sae he wna b love n pampered..
so if a guy can feel tis way..
let alone gers...
at times...i reli feel tt it so nice to hav a person to b ter to love n pampered mi..
yet at times..i dread te the feelin of gettin into relationship..
it contradictin...
haa ... whu the one? time wil tell...
rmb... love audz for whu she is...
and she wil love u for whu u are...if only u proven to b the one...


mths passes..weeks passes..daes passes..hours passes..minutes passes...second passes...
seein ur footstep fadin...
the shadow of urs is fadin...
u promise tt u wil b hapi thus please do so..
everythin fade..but pls dun allow the smile on ur face to fade..
countless of promises broken..vanished into thin air..
not askin for more...jus askin for a promise to b fulfilled..
the promise tt u made before leavin...
our memories will stay with u...
take care sweetheart....


a sweet guy .. kelvin tan ..



silly.
audz

not answerin ur calls...
not replyin ur smses...
i m reli sori... i yet to knw wad i wan ...
i dun mean to do this...i had got no choice...
give mi some breathin space if u reli meant it whn u sae u love mi.....
i appreciate all the care n love...
it not possible for mi to accept anyone whu jus claim tt they deserve to b given a chance...
sori...

promises are meant to b broken...
this is wad everyone is sayin...
but why? why made promise if u arent able to fulfill it...
i dread listenin to ppl sayin ... [i promise to ......]
all this promises bring mi so much pains n sorrows...
allowin ppl to walk in n out of ur life...it jus merely less den a year...
how u do it...
witnessin all this happenin...reli hurt mi inside out...
i m so tired..
so pain...u wil nv understand...
u can ask for mani chances to b given...yet..u simply walked awae once u feel tired of mi...
without even givin a second tout....



broken,
audz

HAPI BDAE to all whu came into world on te 24th of sept...

- mr lee wenhao [ 24th sept 1982 ]
-katek aka daughterly [24th sept 1989 ]

BELATED BDAE to my dearest fren...

- moon aka kexin [22th sept 1983 ]

went jas bdae on fridae ... had a rather long chattin session with jas,bui,longyin n katek....
went over to look for shelly whn otak sae she was cryin..we ask shelly wad happened? [shall not elaborate] anewae we tears tgt with her...bottom line..we tears cos we feel the love of frenship...i love u ppl....erzi i misses u...

my dear sop...how u been?everythin gg well for u...pls do tk care alrite..hugs...

spend my fri n sat over at ah ma place....
a sweet granny...


broken,
audz

tears was my best companion. if u ppl reli love mi,allow mi to chose the path i wan. all i can sae is sorri,i dun mean to bring pain into u ppl life.i got no choice but to do so. b in my position n spare a touts if possible. i reli seek understandin frm u ppl..

i m reli tired. i m gettin weaker each passin dae. i got no more strength to fight on the mental battle. if given a choice,i hope i m able to put everythin bhind n jus walk awae. i tried hard..but i stil failed to do so. tell mi wad shld i do. it been mths n i m stil standin ter,not movin as i suppose to. knowin well enugh tt i m no longer the one in ur life,yet i stil arent able to let go. simply bcos u meant loads to mi. reminisce on the past reli bring tears to mi. misses te wonderful moments.
i reli duno wht shld i jus stood by the side n wait.i reli duno. will ther ever b a dae u wil return?
all i ask was onli for u to turn back..give a second tout to the love we used to have.allow mi to treasure n love u more den the past. but ultimately...i noe everythin is impossible.. all i can ask for was..pls at least do rmb mi as someone once impt in ur life. nv forget mi can. bein with u is not gg to happen...thus pls keep the memories of us in ur heart.. thk for lovin mi once.. 26thoct2004.....



tears,
audz

the feelin sucks big..
once again i read thrg the all the entries in my previous blog.
reminds mi of u again.
we were so sweet back den.
i misses u loads.
can i reli b tt strong to forget everythin abt u.?
blessed mi with the strength.
u are leadin such a carefree life.yet here i m stil stuck.
livin in the shadow,not knowin whn i m able to walk out of it.
jus wna sae.nv regrets lovin u.regret not knowin how to b a good gf den.
26th oct 2004 ...
28th march 2006 .. the dae he left leavin mi tearin stil..

nv tk a person love for granted. learn to appreciate ppl whu reli love n care with their heart. dun live with regrets in future.
i missed out someone mani years ago thus i noe the feelin simply sucks. if onli i noe hw to appreciate the person n accepted the love frm this person.
but everythin is IF only...
mayb tt's one of the regrets in my life so far,cos i noe i will nv mit the person again.
whu noes mayb our hands fit perfectly...waha...dream on audz....
it been so mani years...wonder whu is the blissful ger.. haaa...
blame no one but myself....

alrite jus feelin kind of emo...n tis person suddenly came to my mind thus decided to jus type out a lil of how m i feelin...

i m learnin to let go of u once n for all.i m reli tired..tired of tearing.seein u doin so well n happi..i duno wht shld i feel happi or sad.it seem like,life w/o mi seem beta for u.anewae,time wil heal all the wounds u left for mi.blessed mi with the strength to buried all the past of ours.


i wns play well for my matches..bt in order to play well i reli nid to b discipline..joggin n swimmin to build up my stamina.mus practice my shootin..alrite..jiayou...lazi mi...


audz

have u ever missed anyone in ur life?

alrite i reckon i have.thus i realised the impt of appreciatin ppl ard mi.ter is no way for anyone to turn back clock,thus wadeva i allow it to slip passed mi in the past will no longer b back.i walked passed someone without realisin hw great the person is.this is one thing tt i can nv ask for again.bt shld i b given a chance to mit the person once again..i wil make sure i cherish n treasure this person.bt it onli IF.

someone ask ... do i have anyone in mind?
hmmm...somehow ya...but i stil prefer the singlehood life..
i believe..if 2 person are meant to b ... they wil b an item eventually...
fate will decide everythin...

reality arent reli cruel..wad reli cruel is the the hidden truth tt lies beneath..

anewae..relationship is stil a kinda scary thingy to mi...
i m stil recoverin...
thk for all the frens ard mi...


mr ivan,mr melvin,ms felicia....i misses u ppl...
can we like mit up one dae....


love,
audz

haven been bloggin..
simply bcos i reli not in any mood...
wad happenin?

is fallin in love easy?
nv tears for unworthy ppl..as they dun deserve it..


never regret in wadeva decision u made,cos it hurts.
i regreted in makin a wrong move.
a reli great person was in front of mi yet i chose to let it go.
now..it too late to do anythin i supposed..
all i can do was jus to pray for thing to b back to how it used to b...


prayin.hard
audz

life...
kindergarden..pri sch..sec sch..poly/jc/ite/private...degree...

no meta how mani years we spend on studyin...eventually,we stil got to work n slog for the rest of our life....

so nv complain tt bein a student is tirin or stressful..
the workin life are far more stressful...

next week..i b steppin into the workin society...
alrite .. let tok about wad kinda job i m in...
i was given choice of 2 position..
admin dept or marketin dept..
i chose the marketin dept...
reason bein it much more challengin ...

must b thinkin...m i gg to forsake pursuin my deg..
nope..i wun forsake it...it jus not time yet...

alrite...i wna go holidae this year end...
i hav alr jio the khakis le...
haaa...lookin forward...meantime...earnin money for my shoppin spree ....

i wish u luck in wadeva tt cum along ur way in future...
wadeva it is .. i m stil prayin for everythin to b gg smoothly for u...
another chapter of my life b startin soon...thus it time to put all past behind n walk ahead...
time will heal all my wounds...it jus a matter of time..
i b smilin in time to cum....
millions thk to all those whu stood by mi all this while....
i m learnin to b a stronger audz...


love.hurts.
audz

I MISSES THEM ....

they were the darlings whu i love so much ...

















love,
audz

my lil beetle fren felicia is off tmr ... thus i decided to mit her tonite ...
mr melvin n yujie ... wna mit up tonite ? not forgettin the crappy darlin fren of mine..mr ivan

aft exams ... i got to b headache again ... job? work? argh ...

felicia .. my dearie fren ... had officially file for divorce ...
it reli a load off her chest ... u b a even happier ger my dear ...

marriage ... if she is able to b so strong to let go of a relationship tt involved great commitment,i dun see the reasons of not bein strong enug to let go of the past. i reli admired tis fren of mine ... so strong ... i wldnt even dare imagine how will i react if this were to happened on mi ...
ger ... wadeva happened .. all the old lil frens b ter for u ...jus like how u will b ter for us ... especially mi ... we went thrg so much tgt since young ... i simply love u ppl ...
i believe n trust tt u ppl wil b the last of all the ppl whu will betray n hurt mi...
though...ter wil owaes b exceptional ...



u tink u deserve?
NO..of cos u dun...
bastard is stil too nice a word ... &%#!#*




audz

m jus back home..went to pick qiang up den aiai...aft tt we went supper..aiai was too tired thus i send him home first den best fren....alrite simply stil not too bad ...it was kinda fun to b on road...haaa..but kinda tirin....

congrat mr tally...defendin champ sia...good prizes neh...it seem like champ can ease off the pain ur knee causes hur...
haaa....wadeva it is , do reli tk cr..
nice bballiin session todae....


hmmm..realised i seem to get drifted with erzi...hmmm...i neglected her i suppose...onli busi with my stuff...wanted so much to join them for bball session but it owaes last min stuff tt dun allow mi to go...at times it work...at times it some personal stuff..argh....i hate myself la...i love the time crappin n jokin with dem....longyin bdae....we play cards n laugh thrg the nite...
misses them so much...argh...

i reli shldnt waste my time...i wun get anythin in return..though it tough but i stil have to walk awae..if not i m as though self-destructin myself.tis is life...fragility in a person...
it shall jus die off frm tis veri min...
god...pls blessed mi the strength,will n determination...



i misses the gers so much..bui,gh,erzi,ly,shelly,fion,katek,zl,jas....etc...
can we stil play bball like we used to....
love,
audz

no more courage n strength to tell myself to walk on...
been ignorin wad ppl sae n stil holdin onto the believe....
yet times after times....wad u done simply proven wad others sae is nth but truth...
it reli tirin...dun pulled mi down tis way....
i shldnt b stil standin ter...in fact i shld have jus walk awae as far as i cld....

blamin no one but myself ....
a grave mistakes made on my part...
mistakes as in...stayin ter believin u whn others doesnt....not heedin other advice...
it enugh..it time for mi to put an end to it ...though it tough,but i wil stil try all means n ways to get awae frm everythin now...
i dun wna b involved anymore..it tirin...it outrageous...
simply utterly disappointed in the tremendous chng in u....especially it someone like u...

hope u do realised it one dae...i hope wad u are doin now wil not leave u left with nth in future...
it not too late to wake up yet....
dun regret only whn it reli too late...
times passes, u will onli b inflictin pain n sorrows to mani others more whu truly ter for u..
despite so....nv had i regret bein ter once... my onli regret...leavin n walkin awae feelin great sense of disappointment.
i wld so much wanted to walk awae with a smile n not with tears flowin dwn..
thk for allowin mi to learn such a precious lesson...
a lesson tt i learn to b stronger...learn to b not so soft hearted...



silly,
audz

do u rmb whn is ur first love?
fallin in love for the first time is nevertheless the sweetest.
mani u alr forgotten ur first love,but for mi,it is stil vividly in my mind.

[first.love]
we were in the same class for 3 years except for sec 2.we got tgt onli whn we were in sec 2.he was the eye candy of mani gers back den.he got a pair of electrifyin eye.in fact he got reli nice features.whn we got tgt,i reli felt so fortunate.despite bein popular,he is not flirt.he is reli one veri patience person.nv once had he lose his cool n flare his temper at mi.he is owaes givin in n tryin his best to please mi.pamperin mi like a princess.
ter was once whereby i broke my elbow durin the inter sch zonal matches.n tt happened to b on his bdae.i promised to have dinner with him after my match.in the end,the dae was spend in hospital.he seem to have forgotten tt it was his bdae.i reli felt so thankful to him den.eversince i got injured,he nv failed to turn up at my doorstep every mornin to carry my bag n books.eh is jus so sweet rite.
foldin hundreds of roses for mi.bein ter for my matches.owaes ter durin my darkest hours.makin sure tt i m well taken care.
everythin goes on for ard a year den it ended.m i silly to let him go?despite bein so mean to have hurt him,he nv once left my world.he is owaes ter.i rmb,i was once reli devasted n lost cos someone impt left mi.once again he is ter for mi.listenin to all my pains n sorrows.in fact i noe he doesnt feel good listenin,but he stil chose to b ter,jus wantin mi to feel beta.he is jus a great person,jus too bad i din noe how to cherish him.i felt reli bad tt i brought so much misery to him all this years.i reli thk him for his love n care.even now,he is stil ard whneva darkness filled my life.
my wonderful first love.first love is owaes the sweetest.
i m jus silly not knowin how to appreciate n treasure him den.
but i noe..he is one person i will nv ever forget.
he is enlisted on the 09092006
do reli tk cr of urself...lukin forward to c the botak u...
haaa..u will luk funni i tink..mr vain handsome....

human are jus so silly...
not knowin how to treasure ppl whu are truly ter to love n appreciate u..instead we tend to fall for ppl whu hurt n onli makin us tears.



i duno y m i bloggin all this...
suddenly i wanted to b love once again.

knowin the truth is reli cruel.
i hope my intuition can b wrong jus tis once.
but i doubt so....
but wad can i do? i can onli stand at aside n await ting to happen as predicted.
alrite...thing jus wun go in my way...
knowin wad is the outcome yet i m stil walkin toward it.
i shld jus learn to walk awae...
walkin awae once n for all.
yearnin for the impossible...


walkin.awae.once.n.for.all.
tear.audz

hapi bdae mr tan jianhong.... 09091984 .... a lil babe boy is born....
have a great year ahead....best wishes...

dinner at sakae was fun..notin but laugher...
mitin up with mr roy...
goodness....he can drive....
leg stil swellon like pig leg yet able to drive....
awesome rite...
so roy.caizi.laoda.kaili.kaili wife.jac n mi...
we went cine xin wang for supper....
simply fun lovin grp of ppl...
my dae are filled with laugher cos of the wonderful ppl i have in life....
the sakae dinner n supper at xin wang...
thks ppl....

back home...once again...it back to reality....
darkness filled up once again...

can i request for a genie...
i nid him to grant mi wishes...
can he...jus one will do....

oh...ms sophina ... u are mine...n i m urs...cos u sae so...
hugs...


incomplete.w/o.u
-audz-

tired
someone told mi to live my life to the fullest as i onli live once. no point reminisce on the past. [easier sae den done] though i do agreed with wad the person sae.
everything in life happens for a reason. is ter reli a nid to noe all the reason for everything tt happen. dun u tink ... at times it beta to let certain thing to b left unsay.
it owaes human nature to get to the bottom of everything.[tt human]

no point reminisce on the past.afterall it past..we can nv turn back clock. i m reli tired..all these mths...i m jus so tired.please guide mi the way out.
at times i do wonder...whu wil the person whu wil actualli guide mi the way out.the pain inflicted is simply beyond description.afterall i m jus another ger next door.sometimes i do hate myself for havin tt such accurate institution.i owaes hope tt my institution is wrong...but nv once i m wrong...
it jus too cruel for mi to take.i hate it.



finally todae i get to see my aiai mr kopi....haaa....i was grumblin tt he mia....thus sms n grumble.. wahaha... n it so nice of him...waited for mi to finish my bballin session jus now...n acc mi for dinner... *smile*
suddenly i have the urge to go roundin on bike....it been hell long since i reli go roundin on bike...anyone volunteer? haaa

thk for the heart warmin conversation though u dun mean it .. but i do appreciate the touts.

i wna get my licence ...


whu b the one to walk mi thrg.
audz

once again home the whole dae..
mama cook todae....
it been so long since i had a proper home cook meal....
so full la....eatin non-stop..
but cant help it...simply nice....cos it cooked by mama ma...

was chattin with my ching aiai till mornin...thrg msn...
wahaha....the whole convo thrgout the nite is simply funni...
been laughin n laughin....
haaa....thk aiai....
alrite..chk out his dp....
tt a reli cool pic....wil post it tmr....

i m tired....nite everyone...

sophina...
i forgotten ur name..
thus can i call u mine....
ilu my dear ger....tgt with ms jasmine toh

fate will decide ...
love mi for whu i m ....


audz...

i got a fren name mr roger...
i noe him years ago thrg a lil old fren of mine..
the impression of roger left bhind was..a quiet n shy person..
yet i m totally wrong...
in fact he is one crappy n fun-lovin fren...
reli appreciate n thk for brighten up my dae ..
ur crap n nonsense simply so funny ...
haaa....thk my fren ....
i b fine n alrite ....
time will heal all wounds.... lol...
wil post his pic sum other dae....haaa...

alrite...been stayin hm recently...
it a torture....cos my tbee is spoil...thus no scv for mi...
argh.....
i finally understand wad my ching aiai is sayin le....

i wna bballin...
cos i wna exercise....
haaa....oh wonder how is poonie back...
she jus wun understand how wori i m lo...sickenin...

bai jiarui..if u happen to read this entry...
halo..i wna let u noe...
i misses u loads la...wru?
busi ger...find time for lunchie or wadeva kies..
time for catchin up....


weak,
audz

thk u my lovin fren,mr roger..
thk for puttin on a smile on my face...
thk for the jokes n reli heart warmin sentences...though u dun mean it ..but it alr enugh ...the touts is deeply appreciated...

was rather moody todae.....
reality nv failed to b cruel..
not knowin anytime can b somethin good at times....
but mayb i m jus one person whu rather know the truth..
wad the hell....i m like contradictin myself... *slap*

no bballin todae cos rainin..

alrite ... glad tt gf is recoverin well

halo my dearest hdd ... u reli nid to go doc ...
cant even sit straight la ... i noe ur back reli hurts la ..
pls pls pls ..... go doc ... i m so wori las ...

clone sae .... insrtuctors gatherin ....
hooray ... yuppi ...
i love my grp of protege instructors ....
hugsss.....mani mani huggsss....


it all in ur hand to decide wht i b smilin once again ....
it sound easy .... but it nv b easi ...


anewae .... good luck to all ite bball players whu b playin in the final ltr ...
jiayou .... especially to my beloved mei,daughterly,fatherly,ex-brother in-lawly .... lol ....



sucky.
audz

[i'm sorry. you are really good and nice and all. but i still wanna lead my carefree life...]

trust is wad make the person accepted tis sentence...

but...it seem like the person trust is bein betrayed...
silly.foolish.topid. i duno which word can i use best for tt person...
the person simply speechless...lost for words...
u actualli turn out to b the one whu bring the person down completely ...
it so cruel of u ...


the reply ... [kind of]



so can i sae tt wad u have told the person were jus simply excuses .... i duno ...

i believe time wil heal the person..but the cut is jus so deep ...




my conclusion... in fact even i m lost for words ...

i wil not mention names as i dun see the need ....



-audz-

3on3 have cum to an end...
we din manage to get into te final tis year...
it doesnt reli matters wht are we in the finals....
wad reli impt is...we do enjoy the whole event...
my dearst fren poonie was injured....
it kinda serious...jus hope she b fine soon...
it so nice to get tgt with lai n poonie....wad pity is ...kalong kia n fat mama not ard...

durin break interval...qns were bein asked n mp3 was given out as prizes...
my sotong poonie was the first to b on stage yet she was the last to answer qns..thus instead of the mp3,she got a topid and1 remix dvd...haaa....
nai gong n ppl were god damn funni....time passes reli fast with all their crappin n jokes....

poor gf was injured n bein send to hospital...
pls b fine....
it reli scare mi ....

oh i tink i saw u...but u were not in sight the veri next sec...

anewae..thk ppl for te wonderful dae...
it nice to see erzi.buibui.lover.small jas.daughterly.guanhong.


everythin was wonderful tt dae...but somehow...it stil seem incomplete...
it nv b complete without you .....


hugs,
audz

read newspaper todae...a poly student commited suicide.whu noes...tis person is jake cousin..
hais...tis is how fragile human can b....
in fact,we reli got to admire ppl whu actualli have the courage to commit suicide...
bt by commitin suicide can all problems b solved?
no..it can nv...mayb the person wil no longer have to go thrg all the mental torture...cos afterall he/she have end his/her life once n for all..but hey..ppl whu suffer are those whu are alive...family members....
haiz....

was tokin to jake jus now...aft listenin to wad he said...all the more i tink i got to lead a happier life...
i onli live once..thus i got to live it to the fullest...
time will heal all wounds...all needed was jus to endure thrg the recovery period...
jake is not onli my best workin partner in singtel..he is oso one person whu understand mi...
somehow he noe whn i m troubled...he jus able to sense it....n i feel so comfortable confidin to him....thk pal....

accept the reality....face it gracefully....
are u aware...u are jus so amazin..my life will seem incomplete without u....
go back to wher u belong...cos u are bein so appreciated....u wun noe how impt u are....



incomplete
-audz-

gotta report so earli for the 3on3 tmr...
same venue...same team...reportin super earli in the mornin....everythin is the same...
wad is dif... ur presence i suppose....

was reli glad tt u were ter throughout last year...reli appreciate tt..

i m lookin forward to the party session tmr....
haven been partyin with my 2 dearest aiai for kinda long le...

was watchin the jordan dvd ytd...
the last game in bulls ... the sixth champ title.... the last mvp...
he is reli awesome lo...
wah....a god in the bball world...lol....



if.onli.tym.cn.b.reverse.
- audz-

my lunchie todae was fried rice..n it cook by mi myself can...
waha.. it taste nice... nonsense....

alrite..went ytcc...it was drizzlin...but thk god it stop aft awhile...
daughterly went down...as usual...fatherly n daughterly bicker non-stop...
ballin was simply great todae...it the first time i actualli sweat so much durin street ball.
so as usual ...dinner aft bballin.... boi went kbox..wantin to go initially ... but dilly dally thus nv go in the end...
home sweet home aft tt...

alrite... a veri happi teacher's dae....
my beloved teachers.... [kcs]- mrs chew .. mr yuan .. mr lee .. ms lee .. [nbss] mr chew .. ms tay .. ms chua .. ms koh ..
school daes were stil te best...i reli misses my sec sch daes... it was so fun...doin all silly things..

was readin thrg my past entries .. was lookin thrg all the past photos .. was readin the past letters ..
argh.. memories flashes back immediately...realised i reli misses those daes ..
tink back... i m so blessed durin those daes ... so well protected...
anyway....life is jus lidat..time can nv b reverse...
facin reality is owaes cruel...but somehow i accepted it...thus i tink it beta tis way...
it jus my fault for not knowin how to treasure....blame no one..it jus my silly doin...
oki..enugh of all this....life goes on....smilex...

soulmate feel reli upset...like i sae reality is owaes cruel...
soulmate found out the truth eventualli..
i did ever mention to him tt...things arent wad he tink...but he chose to stand firm to wad he believe in..
so i tink wad he needed most now is simply jus time...nth can help...he nid to pick himself up....
i believe u can do it soulmate...u can...i trust tt u can....
ur life wil b beta .... losin her arent losin the world...thus b strong n walk on...



i.jus.wna.smile.again.
-audz-