i hate the times when i used to tears. I swear that i will not allowed it to happen again.

When you came into my life,you breathed a new passion into my soul. You gave me a reason to face and conquer each day with purpose, confidence. You excited my heart and my need to love-and I did love . . . you. My world grew bright with all that was you and my everything became you. But with no warning or backward glance,you blackened my existence with your retreat-Into another's arms. I felt I couldn't breathe without you. You left me with no defense. No understanding. Left to stumble and learn to live my life alone, without your passion and love. Time crawled when helping me to mend my shattered soul. Every step I made toward recovery filled me with hate,distrust and bitterness. Gone was the hope and faith. Replaced hollowly by fear and rage. In the wake of my recovery, I left many broken hearts as you left mine. After many horrid mistakes, I slowly came to realize what I should have known before. The passion we shared, the love we had-wasn't because of you. It was because of me. When with you, I wasn't myself and I fell. With my new realization I began a true recovery- discovery of the beauty within me. Much time later, I can smile at our good times and leave the pain felt behind me. I have blossomed into myself. I'm surrounded by those that truly love me. Suddenly you see that all you've ever hoped and wished for is within me. But with the pain you caused, you taught me something else called 'Self-worth'. I love myself. And you seriously don't deserve me. so much i dont wish to say, Goodbye.

i am determined with the decisions and vow i made to myself. i will never allow any factors to affect me. once bitten, twice shy.

once again i am feeling rather unwell in the office throughout the day. i was so lucky to be caught in the rain this morning. it more of a sudden downpour. headache, feeling giddy, feverish. it a tortured for the day, and what a nice way to start off the day. i wanted to go back home after my lunch.however, due to the incompleted work,i know well that if i were to go back, it be a disaster the following day. that why i stayed on. it is definately a long day. i am complaining that i am unwell yet i had macdonald's for dinner. it just so contradicting right, but somehow i am craving for mac thus i went ahead with it. i know it is sinful as i am junking so much recently. i wouldnt want to care much as well.

audrey, bear with it for another 2days and its weekend. JIAYOU.

*used to be cheerful and bubbly.... now... moody and lifeless ....*

it a few more days to JUNE...i am counting down.

national mens team lost the first 2 matches. they be coming back on the 29th May, which is still days away from now. i was chatting with ai on msn just now, i cant wait for their return. ai promises a party session when he is back,it been hell long since we last meet up. meanwhile, jiayou for the rest of the matches. mr ching loves to say 'tomorrow will always be better', this is what he had been telling me,especially the period whereby i am filled with darkness. it no longer darkness now, or rather i should say the period was way back then.

i am feeling hungry the whole day. despite eating non-stop, i am still hungry. the chips which i consume today is scary. i am busy working and junking in office today,and i am still junking when i am home. omg!something is seriously going wrong with me.

will someone just stop me from junking.

i am weird. i got a weird attitude which no one can tolerate.
i can be smiling now, but the very next second i can be yelling and showing attitude.
and trust me, that me.
the irritated attitude of mine sucks big.
recently it is getting worse as i am always not feeling well, thus that affected me alot.
it been hard on you,having to give in to me even though it me who is being unreasonable.
it the understanding and patient which makes me realise that i should not allow my body to control my mind. so what if i am not well, that doesnt give me any rights to vent my uncomforty on anyone.
i think i am just too tired,i need more rest.

maybe what i need is a get away. growing up is really tiring.how nice and wonderful if only i need not grow up. mama is going holiday again. i am so glad that roy will be organising another HANTU trip somewhere in june.it is said to be an island whereby one will feel so carefree. it good to get away from the hectic life once in awhile.

i am just randomly typing and typing.

*yawn* good nite..time for bed. i gotta enjoy my weekend. oh before i forget, i got dental appt tomorrow. boo..

i hate waiting for so long, especially when i am feeling unwell.
still waiting.. when will be my turn DOCTOR...
i like the cap from esprit. i look kind of pale in the picture. looking so listless.

feeling so sleepy after taking the medications. i hate to be unwell, cause all i can feel is tiredness. Damn!

finally, after some serious considerations, i decided to go ahead and pursue the course which i am really interested in rather than to continue with a course which i jolly well know that i wont be going into the field even if i were to graduated from it. C H E E R S... a load of my chest the moment i can certain of what i wants.

yuppi! it going to be weekend soon. i love weekends. though i am always still busy during weekends but i just love it, cause i get to sleep more.

i just finished a pack of chips while watching show. i just went doctor and here i am junking. How to get well?

doreen sweets, i promise to arrange a time to meet up. it seem that there are lots of stuffs you gotta update me. meanwhile, please do take lots of care. hugs.

10more days to go... 4th of june *smile*

i am glad that my appetite is getting better, that meaning i am recovering. *smile* The weekend ended just like that. i dread weekdays, as i got to wake up as early as 6am in the morning. i hate to grow up. wouldnt it be wonderful if one can always be a child. alright i am passing some nonsensical remarks. i feel like playing basketball once again, but can i really afford the time? i doubt so, thus that will always be just a thought. mr Png, i want the top from TOPSHOP, it sickening. How can it eb sold out. WTH!
I am feeling so fresh after my scrub and mask. i can feel the layer of impurities on my face la. i feel so clean and fresh now.
i've been eating too much chocolates recently, thus i am suffering from sore throat now. *serve me right*
mr png , me together with quanchun, we sat down at a playground in jurong and chatted the night through. qc is kind of troubled. in fact, i dont see the point of being so nice to her. she is simply leading qc on. whatever reasons which she had gave was nothing but nonsense. however, love is always blind. one is always blinded by it. only onlookers will have a clearer pictures of it. anyway, so much i dont want qc to hold on, i still supported his decisions as i know only then he will be happy. no worry, should you really fall, you still have us with you.

live life to the fullest. i love my life now.
B L I S S F U L S M I L E

Stomach arent feeling well today. everything goes to the toilet bowl early this morning. there goes all the food i ate during breakfast. i am feeling so hungry after clearing everything to the toilet bowl,but i just got no appetite to eat. my lunch was rather pathetic as well, bought economic rice yet i stopped after eating a few mouthful. I am so HUNGRY, but there arent anything i feel like eating. Nothing seem to appeal me. boo...


i am feeling so tired. all the things are draining me out. the work in office is piling up.

once again great singapore sale is coming again. i am not excited at all as i reckon i have lost the feel for shopping. i realised tiredness have gotten over me. alright it mind over body.

it been ages since i really workout and sweat it out. finally, i went to a court near my house to play basketball. the feeling of touching basketball simply makes me feel good. i missed the days on court. i missed the days whereby i have to go through hell kind type of training. it so damned shag but it seem that there is this invisible kind of strength that keeps me going. i just love playing basketball with kalai,not forgetting poon, 'hao da dang'. i haven seen her for ages, wonder how is life for her? everything goin well? I MISS HER.

i am tired. goodnight... doreen sweets, you are strong to overcome whatever shits. you be healed as you are blessed with love from frens,family and of cause me.

Not feeling any better today, feeling so blank. Sitting in front of my desktop in office, not knowing what to do. Argh!
Forcing myself to finish my breakfast this morning, cause i wants to get well as soon as possible. Before i forget, thank you mr png for the effort. The breakfast is appreciated. Really thanks alot. I know you are really drained out after having to work till wee hours yesterday, that is why this particularly effort is so much appreciated.

Life is full of surprises, needless to say that go along with disappointments too. It never good to feel disappointed, but no matter what we got to learn how to handle it, only then we grow. Never allowed the past to stop you from moving. There future ahead will definitely be better if we were to let go of past. Treat the uneventful memories as precious lessons god created for us to learnt and progressed. The world is filled with love, thus go feel it with an open heart. Alright, i am feeling kind of emotional after writing the journal for my sister, 'DREAM FUTURE'. *S M I L E


你依然还是你吗？
Whatever it may be, just be who you are, always follow your heart.
God is always up above watching and blessing you with all the love.

I hate the feeling of falling sick. Phew! All the virus are attacking me at the same time. Instead of going to the clinic to seek consultation, i went to work as usual. I regretted making the decision of going to work as it really a tortured. Despite wearing 2 jackets and covering myself up with a shawl, i am still shivering.

No appetite for the whole day. Had only fish soup for my lunch, but unable to finish. Dinner was even worse. I am actually eating maggi mee despite the fact that i am supposed to eat more nutritional food so as to fight against the virus. Dont really have the appetite to eat though i am feeling so hungry. Argh!

Oh! Thank mr lee wenhao for taking the trouble to drive me home from work, and have to rush back to work again. a p p r e c i a t e

I really see the need of changing my desktop. I was thinking of changing some of the hardware only. Anyone have any recommendation? I need advice cause i know nuts about computer hardware though i work in the IT field. Boo..

Silly be packed with trainings,matches,lessons and work,thus time will kinda pack. Jiayou! Do rest whenever time permits. f cause there must be time for a u d z... haha

I am feeling hungry again, but i just got no appetite to eat. I want to recover.

I am going for my wisdom tooth extraction soon. So much i dont wish to, but given no second choice as it will affect my braces. I dont want everything to go to waste. The initial stage whereby i just fixed my braces was the toughest time. I got to endure with the unbearable pain which i wont know when will the pain be.

My eyes is closing. I am so restless now.

Off to bed.

What a tiring weekend. Bballing at ytcc with the usual old khakis. The homely feeling,it just so heart warming. Tham went as well, it been hell long since we last played bball together. C H E E R S ! i am so glad that tham knee is recovering so well. met up with Roy and people on friday. i reckon it been really long since i last chilled out with all my sweets.

i believe it time to make some arrangement to meet up with the other of my sweets. J a k e, lets make some planning. Shall get jiarui and the others out as well. Somehow,i misses my ex-colleagues in Singtel. J a k e, shall we visit Indra and Lily?

It monday and needless to say i am back to the office. MONDAY BLUE! I dread monday as i am still in my weekend mood. But the never ending work awaiting in office kept me so busy that i dont even keep track of the time. H A A !
Despite so,the blissful me is always blessed with nice people around. I am so fortunate to be able to work with such loving colleagues, they never failed to help me lessen my work so long as it within their reach. L O V E I S A L L A R O U N D!

Went to watch BBaxn match on saturday. The match was awesome as the both team put on a good fight be it in defence or offence. The margin of the score was closen up towards the end of the game, but surprisingly the team with much younger players actually won despite losing out in terms of experience and size.

Mr Png, J I A Y O U in ur defence. R U N R U N R U N , please old man. *grin

i suspect that my stomach is filled with maggots cause i am always feeling hungry. Other than eating the proper 3 meals, chips and ice cream never seem to leave me. *slurp
e a t e a t e a t .. i reckon i must do something about it, or else i will be a fatty bum bum. * I D U N W A N T *



t h e.y u m m y.n o y a.b u f f e t * there i am eating again. waha..

L I F E I S A B O U T E N J O Y I N G . T H U S E A T A N D P L A Y ... of cos mus work and study la...

Talking about studying, very soon i be back to a student again. After so much considersation, i decided to go for part time instead of full time.



t h e p r e c i o u s o f m i n e - v i k o *muacks


I want to be smiling like how i used to, and i know i am walking towards that path.

The hidden truth behind always turned out to be the cruel reality. Live life to the fullest, keep walking forward and never ever looked back to the past.

c h e e r s

Dinner was great. Yummy! Something is wrong with me. I dont seem to feel full despite eating alot. I think i've got an impressive digestive system.

I missed mama so much and finally she is coming back in another few hours time. *i am counting down to it* Looking forward to mama presents, wonder what will she get for me and mei this time round. Shre is just so sweet, never fail to buy presents for me and mei whenever she goes on holiday without the both of us.


*random entry*

The precious of mine. Viko is already part of my life. Calling out to his name whenever I reached home, and there he will whack his tiny tail and run towards me. He is always up to some mischief. Despite so, he is still so well pampered by my mama and sister. Feeling so thankful that he is slowly recovering. It really hurts to see him suffering from the skin infections due to the fungus.

It's a public holiday and i am now sitting in front of my desktop typing this entry; and mind you it the desktop in my office. Anyway it really rare for me to use desktop at home as i am always on my laptop. It a hassle to on the desktop and stuff. Alright i know i am just plain lazy.

i realised i am junking alot recently. I am not hungry, just feel like eating. I know well that i gotta control;especially cause i am not working out anymore. But i just cant resist the temptation. ARGH! what making it worse is,i am a chocolates and chips lover. Boo!

Mr png, i wanna play ball but i am so lazy. I wanna go gym but i hate to do all the sets of exercises. I wanna stop junking and eat the healthy proper meals but i am not able to resist the temptation. I wanna sleep at 10pm so that i wont reluctant to wake up the next day.

I HAVE BEEN REPEATING ALL THIS TO HIM. i bet he is already tired of listening,but he is always so nice to encourage me whenever i start to grumble.. W A H A H A.

i wanna go tanning this weekend but the timing for mr png match this week simply clashes. Boo..


吴先生， 加油！dont get me wrong, just happened to know life been rather stressful for a friend thus nothing but just word of encouragement.


方文邦，it time to get back to court for trainings. you will shine.


counting down to the day to meet up with my dearie Ms lim Jiarong. *smile*



s i m p l y a u d z *幸福的灵*